âWalls close you off from the world and prevent intimacy, whereas boundaries allow for healthier relationships and enable people to feel vulnerable while also staying safe.ââMichelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish. Highlighted
âI am actually grateful when someone tells me directly that I have crossed their boundaries rather than sitting in resentment and releasing it in passive-aggressive comments.ââMichelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish. Highlighted
âWhat I have since learned about boundaries is while you never have to give a reason to say no, you most definitely do have to give a reason if you are canceling.ââMichelle Elman, The Joy of Being Selfish. Highlighted
âI looked at her for too long, and with too much intensity in my eyes. The way people never look at people any more. I wanted her in every sense. To want is to lack. That is what it means.ââMatt Haig, How to Stop Time. Highlighted
âWhy would a soul want a body? ⌠A soul canât touch.ââBrianna Wiest, 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think. Highlighted
âWe expect others to be honest and open with their intentions, especially romantically, but how many people are we keeping on the back burner?ââBrianna Wiest, 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think. Highlighted
âWhen was the last time you leapt out of your comfort zone to tell someone you care about them? When was the last time you definitively asked someone on a date?ââBrianna Wiest, 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think. Highlighted
âWe donât allow others to be messy, but we expect them to lend a comforting shoulder when weâre in pieces.ââBrianna Wiest, 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think. Highlighted
âYouâre not going to be ready for the love of your life when they show up. ⌠And if you deny yourself that relationship because you think you need to do more work beforehand, youâre denying yourself the best growing tool there is.ââBrianna Wiest, 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think. Highlighted
âWe canât choose whose wreckage can [change the parts of ourselves and our worlds we canât]. We all start as strangers, but we forget that we rarely choose who ends up a stranger, too.ââBrianna Wiest, 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think. Highlighted
âWe find people irrationally compelling. We find souls made of the same stuff ours are.ââBrianna Wiest, 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think. Highlighted
âYou can be more or less attracted to someone, more or less compatible, but choosing to love and appreciate someone, regardless of those variables is a constant that you can choose.ââBrianna Wiest, 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think. Highlighted
âThis might sound sadistic but itâs true; people want to see their sadness reflected back at them because it makes them feel connected to something and connection is the best salve for sadness. The irony is weâre usually at our most disconnected when weâre grieving, either because weâve lost the person we felt closest to or because weâve withdrawn from others in order to protect ourselves from future pain, or to protect them from our âbrokenness.âââHazel Hayes, Out of Love. Highlighted
âA breakup is like a death without a funeral.ââHazel Hayes, Out of Love. Highlighted
âYou just learn to accept that people have their own fucked-up ways of coping with shit. And you decide whether youâre willing to put up with it or not.ââHazel Hayes, Out of Love. Highlighted
âNow, Iâm not the kind of girl to gush over weddings, but the marriage partâthe idea of two flawed people being somehow perfect for one another, the odds of finding another human who can tolerate your specific brand of shit, and whose shit you can tolerate tooâI think thatâs pretty special.ââHazel Hayes, Out of Love. Highlighted
âSheâs twenty-three years old, and sheâs doing something absolutely stupid, and sheâs allowed to do absolutely stupid things whenever she wants, and the rest doesnât have to matter right now.ââCasey McQuiston, One Last Stop. Highlighted
âAttachment principles teach us that most people are only as needy as their unmet needs. When their emotional needs are met, ⌠they usually turn their attention outward. This is ⌠the dependency paradox.ââAmir Levine, Attached. Highlighted
âThis is an important lesson for someone with an anxious attachment style: If you just wait a little longer before reacting and jumping to conclusions, you will have an uncanny ability to decipher the world around you and use it to your advantage.ââAmir Levine, Attached. Highlighted
ââŚStudies have found that faced with a stressful life event, such as divorce, the birth of a severely disabled child, or military trauma, avoidantsâ defenses are quick to break down and they then appear and behave just like people with an anxious attachment style.ââAmir Levine, Attached. Highlighted
â⌠Studies show that once we become attached to someone, the two of us form one physiological unit. Our partner regulates our blood pressure, our heart rate, our breathing, and the levels of hormones in our blood. ⌠The emphasis on differentiation that is held by most of todayâs popular psychology ⌠does not hold water from a biological perspective.ââAmir Levine, Attached. Highlighted
âIf you want to take the road to independence and happiness, first find the right person to depend on and travel down it with them.ââAmir Levine, Attached. Highlighted
âGetting attached means that our brain becomes wired to seek the support of our partner by ensuring the partnerâs psychological and physical proximity. If our partner fails to reassure us, we are programmed to continue our attempts to achieve closeness until the partner does.ââAmir Levine, Attached. Highlighted
âHow does the love keep swelling in the cavities of our frail bodies, how do these husks hold so much jagged pleasure in their parched split skins?ââEllen Bass, Mules of love. Highlighted
âthere are mornings when I wake, my lips swollen from your kisses, my body bruised and fragrant as grasses on which lions have lain, and for a full bereft moment, I cannot, for the life of me, remember why I left.ââEllen Bass, Mules of love. Highlighted
âBring me your pain, love. Spread it out like fine rugs, silk sashes, warm eggs, cinnamon and cloves in burlap sacks.ââEllen Bass, Mules of love. Highlighted
âAnd when heâs dyingâ even if I go to himâIâll be little more than a dumb bouquet, spilling my scent.ââEllen Bass, Mules of love. Highlighted
âThose who can, cling to their mates, an ear pressed to those neighboring lungs like a stethoscope, hoping to catch a ride on the steady sleep breath of the other, to be carried like a seed on the body of the one who is able.ââEllen Bass, Mules of love. Highlighted
ââThe seeker has a confirmation bias, looking for positive signs and discounting the negative ones,â Baumeister said. âIf thereâs ambivalence, itâs going to prolong the hope, because there are enough positives to seize on and overinterpret. The negatives you can brush aside.âââLisa A. Phillips, Unrequited. Highlighted
âWhen weâre caught up in unsatisfied desire, we can write the story of our love ... This is fundamentally a creative act, often full of pleasure at first ... yet being together means facing reality, which will probably fall short of the self-centered fantasy.ââLisa A. Phillips, Unrequited. Highlighted
âI used to think the only way a man could hurt you was by lashing out, but it turns out the absence of action can cause just as much pain.ââHazel Hayes, Out of Love. Highlighted
âBut, you know, that feeling? When you wake up in the morning and you have somebody to think about? Somewhere for hope to go? Even when itâs bad, itâs good.ââCasey McQuiston, One Last Stop. Highlighted
âhad I not been struck by the upside-down image of my frilly ankle socks, once white, now turning bright red. Like a cartoon animal who doesnât fall until they notice that the ground is gone, the sight of my own blood made me suddenly aware of the searing pain in my heels. I tore off my shiny black shoes and peeled the blood-soaked socks from my feet before righting myself and continuing my search barefoot.ââHazel Hayes, Better by Far. Highlighted
âI read over and over this brief exchange, wringing it dry for hidden meaning. And for the next few hours I rest easy knowing where you are, who youâre with, and that Iâm on your mind.ââHazel Hayes, Better by Far. Highlighted
âyour fingers lifting my mouth to yours, the way we moved together, the bruises on my belly from our hip bones grinding.ââHazel Hayes, Better by Far. Highlighted
âBut quick as memories come, they are rewritten, altered by the knowledge that you knew then how little time we had. And soon this knowing starts to seep through my whole mind, like ink in water, tainting every memory I have of you, darkening the tone of my whole childhood. I thought that I had mourned you fully. That there would be no more mourning left to do. But this is a fresh, graveside grief, raw and untamed, that doesnât so much slip under the door as burst through it, demanding my attention.ââHazel Hayes, Better by Far. Highlighted
âIf you have feelings for someone, and you donât let that person know, youâre lying with your silence. Be direct. It saves so much trouble and regret.ââDerek Sivers, How to Live. Highlighted
âProjecting perfection onto someone is not love. You say âI love youâ but really mean âI love thisâ.ââDerek Sivers, How to Live. Highlighted
âAnybody can look at you. Itâs quite rare to find someone who sees the same world you see.ââJohn Green, Turtles All the Way Down. Highlighted
âBram was right: people really are like houses with vast rooms and tiny windows. And maybe itâs a good thing, the way we never stop surprising each other.ââBecky Albertalli, Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda. Highlighted