In the 21st-century, careers and lives donât roll off an assembly line. We have to put the pieces together ourselves.
When we make choices, we open ourselves up to hard work and failure and heartbreak, so sometimes it feels easier to not to know, not to choose, and not to do. But it isnât.
With all the attention paid to the urban tribe, however, many twentysomethings have limited themselves to huddling together with like-minded peers. Some are in almost constant contact with the same few people. But while the urban tribe helps us survive, it does not help us thrive. The urban tribe may bring us soup when we are sick, but it is the people we hardly knowâthose who never make it into our tribeâwho will swiftly and dramatically change our lives for the better.
Twentysomethings who take the time to explore and also have the nerve to make commitments along the way construct stronger identities. They have higher self-esteem and are more persevering and realistic. This path to identity is associated with a host of positive outcomes, including a clearer sense of self, greater life satisfaction, better stress management, stronger reasoning, and resistance to conformityâall the things Helen wanted.
We think that by avoiding decisions now, we keep all of our options open for laterâbut not making choices is a choice all the same.âMeg Jay, The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now. Highlighted
Uncertainty makes people anxious, and distraction is the twenty-first-century opiate of the masses. So twentysomethings like Kate are tempted, and even encouraged, to turn away and be twixters, to close their eyes and hope for the best.
...While most therapists would agree with Socrates that âthe unexamined life is not worth living,â a lesser-known quote by American psychologist Sheldon Kopp might be more important here: âThe unlived life is not worth examining.ââMeg Jay, The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter--And How to Make the Most of Them Now. Highlighted
âExpectations is the place you must always go to before you get to where youâre going.âNorton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth. Highlighted
âIf you only do the easy and useless jobs, youâll never have to worry about the important ones which are so difficult. You just wonât have the time. For thereâs always something to do to keep you from what you really should be doing.ââNorton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth. Highlighted
Goals donât improve your future. Goals only improve your present actions. A good goal makes you take action immediately. A bad goal doesnât. A goal shows whatâs right and wrong. What moves you towards your goal is right. What doesnât is wrong.âDerek Sivers, How to Live. Highlighted